By Rebecca Dorr
When I was married, I was ever appreciative of my husband’s plumbing skills. It was very unwise to let him attempt a carpentry or wiring project, but plumbing was his thing. He understood how water moved, how toilets and faucets worked, and he had inherited some excellent tools.
It was particularly fortuitous that he was wrench-endowed, as our home had a dug well that needed to be cleaned and siphoned regularly. We had to keep adding water quality enhancement appliances, and then one dry fall we had no water at all for two months.
Our son clogged the toilet almost daily, most notably on winter Solstice one year. He didn’t want to eat a lovely large organic carrot we had given him as a pre-supper snack, so he flushed it down the toilet. Sort of. As the water flowed through the upstairs bathroom ceiling onto Christmas gifts wrapped on my downstairs desk, and I tried to get my daughter ready for her performance in the Vienna Solstice Revels, my husband gallantly took apart the entire upstairs toilet.
Unfortunately, I did not choose to learn any plumbing skills from my husband or from my father who was actually a licensed plumber at one time. Why don’t husbands and fathers insist their wives and children learn these skills? Perhaps on some level, they want to maintain some dependency and appreciation in a world where women can now do everything. I did meet a female plumber once in a technical college. She was retooling after a failed former career of some sort. She told me she loved the actual work, but was having trouble mustering the strength to meet all of the demands of the job.
I was never too concerned about my strength, but while my husband was attending to our well, pump, washing machine, clogged toilets and water filters, I must have been busy feeding children, paying bills, and likely in the last years, napping. Although I often wish I had let go of more chores and generally been a more relaxed mother, I do deeply regret deferring responsibility regarding the plumbing. It seems this is the most important skill one can have as a homeowner or even renter.
This became apparent to me when I returned home this past November after Thanksgiving to a burst heating pipe in the above-garage rooms my daughter and I had rented from our neighbor. Although we had left the thermostat set correctly, somehow the baseboard oil heat had not kicked in. By the time we arrived home, our housemate had already called her oil and heating company who had graciously repaired the pipe. I had seen pipes burst in cellars, but never in someone’s bedroom. What a mess of wet carpet, scattered furniture, days of drying blowers, and exhaustion in the midst of the holiday season. In retrospect, I should not have ignored the warnings: The heat had not worked correctly several times during the fall. We thought the thermostat was just a little funky, and since I was practicing denial about many things in my life, I apparently added the heating system to my list. It turned out there was a major plumbing valve repair that the oil company finally diagnosed and repaired in January. By that time, I was suffering from complete seasonal defective disorder In other words, all of my systems went defunct from this and other winter stressors.
By spring, when I was feeling somewhat more cheerful and game for adventure again, my housemate and I did attack a clogged bathroom sink. If nothing else, we laughed hysterically as I climbed into the cabinet below the sink and she stood above. With the correct wrench, I was able to loosen the nut on the drainpipe that held the sink stopper in place; my housemate removed the stopper so that we could clear out the drain. I managed, however, to forget to tighten the nut back in place before we ran water through the drain. I was also still sitting under the sink at that time (which resulted in more hysteria). Do we have to learn everything the hard way, even when YouTube now demonstrates how to accomplish everything?
I have recently read on-line that “by learning a few tricks about the different processes of plumbing work, frustration can be alleviated.” I would like to believe that I still have capacity for learning, and I have certainly become more proficient with car care over the last few years. I also, in the midst of my SDD, did learn to plow the driveway this winter. Plumbing however continues to humble me regularly. Perhaps this is due to associations with my husband and subsequent dissolved marriage, which I never seemed able to fix no matter how many books, videos, trainings or marriage counseling I absorbed. I may need to let go of plumbing repair and let things just flow as they will. I am learning that sitting in awe and acceptance (of my complete dementia) can alleviate frustration and allow for moments of hilarious bonding with other women (and the furnace repair guy).
